his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
