Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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