he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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