The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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