The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
