If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
