Who did Billy Mays play for?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
