the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
