ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
