just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
