Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
zippers are such a cool invention
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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