So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
