I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wish my penis had a tongue
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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