trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
