belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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