so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
