Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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