Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I had to cum in my sink.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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