Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
