So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
