I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
