oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
