dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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