Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
