Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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