I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
