Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
