i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
