his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
