dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
