I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she told me i tasted like america
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize