I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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