sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
