the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
