i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
