My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
