i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
