I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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