i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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