If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
