Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
