The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
