so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
