ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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