My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
