I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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