Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
