please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
