The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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