Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
