You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am one with the molecules
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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