I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
