I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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