yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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