Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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