it was like his penis was on wheels.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
