i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
