In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
