OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
