Cold hands, warm shart.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
