dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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