how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
