Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
