So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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