If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize