you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
