i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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