The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
