You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
