Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
