I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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